Have the Heart to Hurt

I stood on a beach, watching from a distance, as family after family was being led away to die. They seemed to go almost too willingly- no fight- no desperate attempt to escape. Their faces were void of all hope, when suddenly a helicopter dropped a box. I was so glad to see it was from the U.S. It was full of frozen chicken and sets of fancy glassware. This is when I thought, "Oh good, this is just a commercial and they aren't really going to die. I can move on and forget this whole awful scene."

This is what I dreamed last night, and when I awoke- I had this overwhelming sense of guilt. I looked around my comfortable, safe room- I listened to the peep frogs outside my window. No fears for what the next day would bring. I thought about how my little babies were tucked in their beds, sleeping blissfully- how earlier in the day we had fun playing in the hot sun catching frogs and bugs.

Of my sweet husband, who would get up and go to his job and come home a few hours later. How we would all sit down and have dinner together then go for a walk around the lake, do some chores, or have dessert. Safe, calm, serene, secure... I thought about my dream, and how embarrassing it seemed to me, that we Americans would send frozen chicken and glassware.Something to ease our conscience and to be able and say that we "helped." In our self absorbed, advantageous lives we forget the real needs of those around us. Often in our attempts to help we gouge the wound bigger by not understanding how to properly care- we don't have a way to relate because we run from any small amount of suffering. We are scared to get hurt- scared to be in pain. So we run- and in running we leave behind the opportunity to heal and be healed by the growth that comes from vulnerability. It got me thinking back to the first settlers of America and the suffering they endured to build a free land, how many of them died! Their lives-stepping stones for the generations to come. They were OK with suffering if it meant those who came after them would have it better. We have lost a little of that stamina that the early Americans had. I'm not saying we don't care about other people, but I think we need to be reminded of what it means to need and what it feels like to give up some of what we have for others. To reevaluate what we are working for and what motivates us. Is it all about ourselves and what we think we need? Are we thinking about who comes next and how we can make their burdens lighter. Are we teaching our children to love and care for those less fortunate? We can keep shutting our eyes to the suffering around us- we can keep putting band-aids on wounds that need stitches- but I think if we want to survive as a country- as a people of hope and freedom- we are going to have to do some grunt work. Roll up our sleeves and get bruised, cut, and battered as we serve and love the people around us. Yesterday, my heart was burdened reading about the death of Aylan, a little boy who along with his mother and brother died trying to escape Syria. Read the story here and then click on the next link to find ways you can Help with refugee crisis in Syria.  

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5+1=Blissful

Little things that I am applying to our life as a married couple.

One of the first waterfalls we hiked to in Ithaca. 

It was raining cats and dogs, we had just gotten chewed out by the tuxedo rental manager, we lost the directions and number to our yurt that we were renting, and had to call Jared's mom to help us find it---but we didn't care. Our attitudes were not affected by the series of unfortunate events- the giddiness of being just a day married was enough to keep us not caring what happened- so long as it meant we were together.

It's been a little over five years since that glorious first week of being married. We've moved, had two children, Jared's switched jobs a couple times, and life just keeps moving faster...

Quality time often looks like sitting on the couch after the kids have gone to sleep and eating a whole bowl of popcorn. Our conversations are more often than not something like this.

Me: Hey! How was your day? 

Jared: Good, got those reports written.
Me: Cool, Luke peed off the porch today
Jared: Oooohhh
Or on a bad day:
Me: Hey! Today was soooo long, I thought you'd never get home--the kids have been like Moe, Larry and Curly today--and I've cried all day. SAVE ME!! And I think we need to rip the carpet out of our room asap...and the shelves need fixed because the kids kept shaking it...yada yada yada

So yeah, the blissfulness of marriage can get a little, buried in the madness that is life. Lately, I've been trying out a few little things to redeem a little of the bliss that was- and its actually much easier to attain than what you might think. Here are five things that I think make life just a little more fun :)

1. Be ready and waiting for you man at the door.
 I always have done this- but sometimes for the reason of just wanting to DUMP my day on Jared. Sometimes, that is ok- but it's easy to let it become and everyday thing. I think in a way I started to let myself become over dramatic about my day- because I felt like I NEEDED him to understand how HARD it is to be HOME ALL DAY.
Let go of the day when your man walks through the door and just enjoy him being home. He's had a hard day too!

2. Take an actual interest in what he does.
Jared is a metallurgical engineer. It took my months to even learn how to say "metallurgical"--let alone understand what exactly he does. So when I would ask he would go on and on about all this STUFF and I guess I didn't try to understand because I assumed I never would. Which made Jared quit telling me about it, which made me sad. Thankfully, there is GOOGLE. I started looking different things up about what he was working on, reading articles about his company, and then using those things to talk to him about it. Jared doesn't really bring his work home with him, and doesn't necessarily want to discuss work all the time- so thankfully with a little bit of genuine listening on my part and a little extra research- I can have a better conversation with him about his work. Who doesn't like to be understood better?!

3. Make him lemon bars.
Or whatever your guy sees as a treat. Jared loves lemon bars and pies. It's always fun to surprise him with his favorite dessert on an ordinary day. If you're better wife than me, you'll not eat the whole pan the next day while he's at work and he can come home to some. ( I did make another pan to cover up the fact that I ate the first pan...but he figured it out)

4. Find something to do together.For a little while it was playing Word Crack. Sounds kinda lame but it got us through the cold winter with two little kids who cannot yet stay out in the cold long enough to do much. In the summer we like to ride bikes, camp out, watch Master Chef, and our newest thing we are going to attempt is running. Oh heaven help me.

We did A LOT of hiking on our honey moon. Something we can't wait to do more of with our kiddos!

5. Pick one of his annoying chores and do it for him.Even if you don't get it all done- he will appreciate the effort. The kids and I have stacked wood, cleaned and organized his workshop, vacuumed his car. Its always fun to see the shock on his face when we do something he didn't think we could or would do.

*Bonus* Laugh together. I love that we can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking- burst out laughing till we cry.

 Five years is such a short time to be married- I still feel like we just hopped into our little green VW Beetle to drive to Ithaca, NY for our honeymoon. Here's to many more years and many more happy days!

Life is made up of little moments- treasure them!

Called to a Supreme Adventure

"The excitement, the joy, the adventure, the deep inner satisfactions or those who dare to reach sky-high more than make up for any loneliness. For no way can be lonely if it is the way Christ walks...No way can be lonely if it is the way to which He calls you." -Peter Marshall

"It is to difficult for us to believe the truth: that this life is but a preparation for a greater and more glorious one to come...
and that if we would only believe,
if we only had enough faith and the right kind and were seeking the "things above..."
all our real needs- earth's trinkets for which we strive so desperately-would be provided for us.
Once and for all, we must put out of our minds that the purpose of life here is to enjoy ourselves
to have a good time
to be happy
to make money
and to live in ease and comfort.
That is not what life is all about.
You were put here for a purpose, and that purpose is not related to superficial pleasures.

No one owes you a living- not your parents, not your government, not life itself.
you do not have a right to happiness.
You have a right to nothing.

I believe that God wants us to be happy-but it is not a matter of our right, but of His love and mercy.
 The time for drifting
            or sleeping
or wishful thinking
or day dreaming is over.
The state of our world today makes that a very dangerous pastime.

This generation of young people and all of you who are sensitive to what is going on around you, are called to a supreme adventure.
There is a great stirring in society.
The upheavals of life and the revolutions of multitudes across the world in desperate motion are indications that our world can never be the same.

So do not underestimate what you can do. You have the courage to cast off your acrophobia
and to dream big
and to aim high-
if you do it with Gods help"
"Our Father in Heaven, give us the long view of our work and our world.
Help us to see that it is better to fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than to succeed in a cause that will ultimately fail...
May thy will be done here, and may Thy program be carried out, above party and personality, beyond time and circumstance, for the good of America and the peace of the world.
This we ask in Jesus' name, Amen"


* This is an excerpt from one of Peter Marshalls sermons titled, "The Risk of Reach" found in his book "The Best of Peter Marshall" find it here

Hit the reset button on your life...

GO CAMPING!

Smoke drifted up through the dark tunnel of leaves above us, hitting the navy sky and dissipating into a mass array of twinkling stars. We sat in the warmth just listening to the sounds of the summer night.

Crickets and peep frogs- the rustling of our little bandit raccoon who had stolen my hot dog just a few minutes earlier.

The kids had finally drifted off to sleep in the tent, after reviewing the days events to each other at length. Luke stating "Raccoon stole mommy's hot dog!" Erin confirming and then wondering where exactly she was again... " 

Yeah! Rachoon!...Micahs house? Emmy's house?" Luke, " We're camping!"

It was our first camping trip with both of the kiddos- and so far it had gone so much better than we expected. The kids were giddy with expectation. I don't really know why we were thinking it would go badly- our kids are happiest when they are outdoors and getting dirty. 

Jared and I just sat there by the crackling fire and chatted- reminiscing- eating smores--or in Jared's case just the chocolate since he doesn't really like marshmallows and his "for the sake of roasting a marshmallow" mallow--caught on fire and died before he had to eat it. Convenient. 

Eventually we joined the kids in the tent- and slept amazingly well! I'm kinda thinking that we are just used to sleeping like crap these days- so the fact the both the kids slept fine in the tent and so did we- made it seem pretty good! 

Breakfast of bacon, eggs, and cinnamon rolls cooked over the fire- and of course percolated coffee tasted like breakfast fit for a king. 

The day then was spent, throwing rocks in the creek, catching salamanders, swimming in the lake, playing in the sand, on the playground, stepping in goose poo, and eating our lunch in a beautiful little grove of pines by the lake...while getting rained on...and it didn't matter!

I sometimes get grumpy. Ok, I often get grumpy, and I blame it on things like- life as an adult and too much responsibility. Or I watch the news, read an article and it makes me wish I didn't live on this crazy messed up place we call Earth. Or I spend all day being a referee between two little monsters-- I mean- beautiful children, and wonder just how much I am messing up this whole parenting thing. 

Camping make you step back from all of that. It makes you stop and listen. Reminds you of the simplicity that can be. The gift that is life. The joy that is family. I looked up at those stars and couldn't help but sing in my heart one of my favorite hymns, For the Beauty of the Earth.

For the beauty of the earth,

   For the beauty of the skies,

                For the Love which from our birth

   Over and around us lies:

Lord of all, to Thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise

For the beauty of each hour

   Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

   Sun and moon and stars of light:

This our grateful hymn of praise...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful...and thank God for it as a cup of blessing."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wispy snow flakes, swirling every which way

One lands on a rosy little cheek, another on a delicate eyelash.

Wonder and amazement flicker from their young, happy eyes.

Giggles and coos echo through the stillness.

    

Their discovery of snow.

Crisp

       Clean

              Cold

Working it between their mittened hands.

Squealing at the shocking cold of it on their tongues.

 A puff of breath hits the chill- it hangs for a moment- and is gone.

Our life a vapor.

We can't hold onto it forever,

We must let go- allow the cold to melt

Sink
        Warm
                 Sprout

 Life is a beautiful blossom

Held gently in an open palm so as not to crush it.

Little faces. Humbled and in awe.

Simple

             Innocent

                          Pure

I close my eyes and try to feel it too.

The sun breaks through a heavy gray cloud.

Rays bursting between poplars and aspens

Warmth piercing my very soul.

We sit in the snow, not feeling the cold.